My Father and Park Chung-hee

My father was a veteran of the Vietnam War.
He even received a commendation from General Chae Myung-shin, the Commander of the Republic of Korea Vietnam Forces.
As expected, he was a staunch conservative.
Since I was a child, I grew up hearing that Park Chung-hee was the greatest.
The first time I had a political clash with my father was when I heard the news that Park Chung-hee had only paid out 1/5 of the combat allowances that veterans received from the United States.
I had been discovering the reality of Park Chung-hee one by one even before then, but I couldn't bring myself to curse him in front of my father. I felt like doing so would be disrespectful to my father, so I was maintaining a certain line.
But the fact that they skimmed off the combat allowances was an atrocious act that completely disregarded the youth my father risked his life for in Vietnam.
During the Vietnam War, my father sent all his wages to my grandmother, saying he didn't need money because he ate and slept at the unit.
With that money, he raised all my uncles and aunts.
When I was young, my mother would sometimes complain that if she had married me before my father went to Vietnam, we would be living very well right now.
To get back to the point, because of the anger over the stolen combat allowances—feeling that my father's life-risking youth had been insulted—I called Park Chung-hee a son of a bitch in front of my father for the first time.
My father didn't look at me; he just sat there for a long time, staring blankly at the TV.
Because he didn't say anything to me and instead just remained silent, I couldn't say anything more.
About a week passed, and my father came home very drunk and asked me to have a drink with him.
He said he had just come from a Vietnam veteran's meeting.
Naturally, the combat allowances were the main topic, and he said many people expressed their anger.
He said everyone drank heavily because they were so upset.
That day, for the first time, my father looked pitiful to me.
I felt that this is what a person looks like when their trust has been betrayed.
Even so, my father never cursed Park Chung-hee. He just repeatedly said, "That shouldn't have happened."
After that, he never said a word about politics again and just watched in silence.
Now, he is resting at the Daejeon National Cemetery.
I live far away so I can't visit often, but sometimes I miss him so much it feels like I'm going crazy.
When that happens, I listen to the voice recordings from when I used to talk to him on the phone, cry for a long time, and then I feel better.
I miss you, Dad.